The later was the correct answer.
As you know Veronika was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy (left side hemiplegia) at 11 months. When she was diagnosed with CP....that was the hardest diagnosis for me that she had been given. I knew that she had the stroke before she was born, and that she had brain injury from that. And yes we had been told she would most likely never walk. But I guess I had never really made the connection that she would be given another diagnosis. Up to the time when we went to see the Brain Injury Specialist, I had be over analysing everything Veronika was doing with the left side of her body, along with her physios. It was at around 9-10 months of age that there was becoming a significant 'tone' difference, as well as a very different amount of use in particular between Veronika's left and right arms. So we were referred onto the Brain Injury Specialist.
I guess that day I had no idea that I was going to get yet 'another diagnosis' for Veronika. I thought I was just going to have a chat with yet another Doctor about Veronika and how she was developing, in particular the left side of her body......maybe DENIAL is a more accurate description of how I was around that time. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember holding it all together while I was seeing the Specialist with Veronika, I remember that exact moment he said she has Cerebral Palsy.....I remember him giving me the forms to register her on the Cerebral Palsy register.
I also remember holding it together enough until I got to the car, strapped Veronika into her seat, and then sat in my seat and just cried. I called my husband to tell him, and also gave him the "but its not fair, how come she has to have Down Syndrome and Cerebral Palsy?"
I didn't know what to do next....so I went to my Mothers of PreSchoolers group, and held Veronika close while I cried some more, while I talked with our mentor and a couple of the other Mums I was close with.
So what have I finally got around to.....I finally filled in the forms for the CP register, and hand delivered them. They have been on my kitchen bench for over 2 and half years, they have been into hospital on a couple of trips, thinking that I would 'make' the time to fill them out while I was sitting, filling in my days while Veronika was unwell. You may be wondering why its taken me so long. Its like admitting that yes Veronika has CP. Once she is on the register its official. Don't get me wrong, I know she has CP, after all I'm not stupid(or not that stupid anyway). But its kind of like, yep its official, Veronika's on the CP register, so she really has CP. Its a feeling that's really hard to explain, maybe that its almost like I'm not in control or something.
But life goes on, and I am proud that I have finally filled them out and delivered them.
Tomorrow is a new day, all be it with more appointments for the week to come.